


Home

by Nihonkikuasa211



Category: Code Black (TV)
Genre: Child Death, Christmas, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-26
Updated: 2015-12-26
Packaged: 2018-05-09 11:27:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5538155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nihonkikuasa211/pseuds/Nihonkikuasa211
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Christa remembers Christmas as Neal tells her that she is never alone. It is then that she realizes what Neal meant to his father when he stated that Angles Memorial started to feel like home, and begins to understand what the attending meant.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Home

                _Home_

Dr. Christa Lorenson thought of memories as she heard the follow staff of the ER start going home. It was only ten minutes to midnight, and the blond resident sighed as she stared at the clock ticking away. There was a time when Christa had once rushed home as well, smiling from the depths of her heart as she waited to kiss her little son on her forehead as he waited for Christmas, laughing and embracing her husband as they talked about how surprised their little boy would be when he found out how many gifts he had under the tree. _Not anymore,_ Christa thought as she inwardly squeezed her hands until they turned white. _He’s gone. My husband left me. And now –_

“Christa.” The resident jumped and turned to find Neal standing behind her. “I’m sorry,” he stated with a short gaze at her. For a moment, he appeared to ask her if she was alright, but the attending saw the look in her eyes and instead didn’t say the words that Christa inwardly hated so much.

                “You’re…not alone, Christa.” Christa broke her morose thoughts and stared at Neal as he spoke, noting of how he measured her words with care and was looking at her with empathy. “You are never alone.” The attending swallowed, and blinked before continuing. “You have the other residents, and Leanne. Jesse.” After a couple of moments, Neal finished, “And me. You have all of us.”

                Neal touched her shoulder, and Christa was instantly reminded of before, remembering he had done the same thing after telling him that her son had died. For some reason, Christa allowed herself to look into the attending’s eyes, the raw grief and everything that she felt on that day coming apart as she looked into Neal’s gentle and unassuming eyes.

                “I never told anyone this,” the attending stated as Christa’s blue eyes continued to echo against his own, “but I cried after I came here. I was…so alone, Christa, without knowing anyone in a strange land known as America.” Christa laughed slightly, feeling the crack of a smile on her face as Neal tried to make her laugh. “I cried after crashing from my first year away from England, and…I know your pain is worse than what I felt at that time.”

                “Thank you, Neal.” Christa whispered as she remembered feeling the same loneliness after her son had died and her husband had left her. The home that she had made with them was nonexistent, only painful and raw memories that Christa could not bear to remember then. The blond remembered now of how she held her son’s toys with her shaking hands, sobbing as she collapsed on the ground as the emptiness almost destroyed the empty shell that she was as the empty hallway of the college dorm. She had never considered anywhere else home. The medical school had provided the knowledge to save the lives she could save, and the substance she needed to keep herself from not dying…but it wasn’t home. Christa couldn’t remember actually truly smiling and being happy in the presence of people until she arrived in Angles Memorial. It had only been a couple of months since starting her residency at the hospital, but Christa felt more connected to this hospital than she did to anywhere else after her son’s death. _And specifically…_ the first year resident thought as she closed her eyes and sighed, thinking of the attending across from her.

                Her heart had been broken, thought have broken beyond repair when her life had shattered. But now…she remembered having lunch with the other residents and making friends with them, knowing their names and faces, and learning from the best doctor Christa had the good fortune of knowing. She had known that she had people. They too had their own stories, their own wounds. And yet…it seemed that Neal was the one person that she understood who would not attempt to make her understand her emotions. Dr. Rorish would tell her what she knew; that she must keep on living and give her vague answers. Neal, however, wouldn’t say anything as Christa’s pain became clear to him. He would attempt to say that he understood, because from the moment he would look into her eyes, the attending would know that sometimes there was agony beyond understanding. And now…as she licked her lips and began to speak moments later, Christa understood what Neal had said to his father.

                _Home…_ she thought, a half-smile almost lifting against her face as she stared at Neal. _He said that this place, started to feel like home to him, and I think…I’m starting to understand why._

                “When I think of Christmas,” Christa stated softly, “I think of my son, and of how happy he was when he was alive. My husband…” she sighed from deep within her chest and swallowed, seeing Neal observing her. “He used to make cookies, and we’d used to eat them always the night before, so that our son…” _Damn it,_ Christa thought as her eyesight started to blur and her eyes started to sting, _Damn it!_

Neal slowly started to caress her arm as tears started to trail down her cheeks. Christa tried to blink away the tears, but the liquid kept seeping from her eyes. His dark brown eyes stared at Christa’s face, and her tears started anew as she could see the understanding in his eyes. _It’s okay,_ he seemed to be saying without words. _It’s okay._

“Neal,” Christa whispered as tears continued to trail down her cheeks, “I used…to think that I would never find a home again. I used to think that I would never be able to live again without thinking of my son every minute of every day.” A deep breath came from her chest, and the blond resident allowed herself to stare at the kind attending. “But the others and you especially…made it possible for feel at home.” A smile framed her face, weary but kind as she stared at the relieved expression of…the best doctor she had the good fortune of knowing.

                _Angles Memorial Hospital…and you are my home, Neal._

**Author's Note:**

> I had no idea where I was going with this, and actually thought of doing something different than I usually write. I hope anyone who read this enjoyed this.


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